I am a little depressed. This could be because I have been enduring my first “Asian” cold of the year, which has left me feeling lethargic and like I just ran up a steep mountain in flip-flops. Every part of my body is aching. I have noticed an acute correlation between my physical well-being and my mental well-being. But I figure if the mood is ripe, why not pluck the ideas anyway, even if they might still be a bit sour.
The thing that I don’t seem to understand about the cultural part of this city is the following:
Everything is about the show.
Now, I come from what someone once famously said is the “biggest stage in the world.” In other words, I hail from that surrealist tabloid existence called the United States of America. So, by all rights, I should be used to the facades of modern life. But call me ever hopeful, I am still always surprised to see just how much people can buy into the hype. It makes me think that the only people who truly wield any power are the creative geniuses behind the latest ad campaigns. However, it’s amazingly effective. If you convince people that the way they are living is their own fabulous choice, there is no longer any effective resistance to the rampant capitalism all around us.
What on earth has got me feeling so despondent?
Weddings.
That blissful moment when two people converge and promise to only irritate each other forevermore, so help them God, until death or divorce do them part. Here, in Hong Kong, weddings are just ludicrous. Here’s why.
A.) Instead of having weddings with some semblance of cultural traditions, the weddings here look like some Midwestern teenage girl’s version of a wedding. Puffy white dresses, tuxedos with tails, and all the fixings. To make matters worse, it seems that a marriage here just isn’t official until the bride and groom pose in some public place. Not just any public place, but specifically, gardens or impressive buildings. The other day, wandering through the courtyard of City Hall, I saw about six couple trying to pose so that no other couple was in their picture in the background. All in a desperate attempt to pretend like they were the only couple that just got married.
Outside, on my way to the supermarket, I just saw three Range Rovers adorned with huge bouquets of roses on their hoods with matching, tiny versions tied to each door handle. There is absolutely no reason for this except ostentation.
Now, I know what you are thinking, I am from the US, where the wedding industry – and I do mean INDUSTRY – makes literally BILLIONS of dollars out of women’s desire to be a princess for a day. And why? I cannot blame the women, for I know that every day they are bombarded with images of the perfect life and the perfect romantic wedding. In a sea of anonymous women that grows larger each year, who can blame them for wanting to stand out for one day? To have all eyes on them as they prance around a gorgeous room in a white dress, smiling happily as if the bliss were neverending. I swear that we even hear our own soundtracks playing in the background.
What depresses me the most, I guess, is that we have shipped this hollow sensibility of what a marriage should be to the farthest reaching corners of the world. How sad. I’m certain that the Mandarins had just as silly a version as we do, and in the end it probably all boiled down to the same thing, so I really shouldn’t be upset at all.
It’s just that as I age, I realize that I am a hell of a lot happier having unmasked the fantasy. Having realized that no matter how “perfect” the wedding, the marriage might be an unmitigated disaster. Having realized that no amount of makeup or clothes can disguise a person’s true value or lack thereof. And sometimes I just wish that instead of learning our lessons the hard way, there could be another answer. That women could stop wanting the movie version and go out looking for the real thing. And learn to tell the difference between the two. Maybe if we all hadn’t see one too many “perfect wedding endings” in movies, we wouldn’t have such a high divorce rate.
It’ll be interesting as we all march through life, who makes it and who doesn’t. Right now, 8 out of 10 of my friends are married. I wonder, in ten years, whether or not the lights will have gone down on any of those players.
Recent Comments