The Tradition of the Christmas Letter

I’m not sure how many of you have written or received a “Christmas Letter”, so let me start off by explaining this ubiquitous literary genre. First, I’m uncertain how to categorize the traditional family Christmas letter – is it fiction or nonfiction? Generally speaking, let’s call it a little bit of both. Basically, it’s a list of things you’ve done throughout the year. The Christmas Letter is written for a variety of reasons, ranked in no particular order:

1. To update your friends and family, clearly the people that you don’t speak to all that often, about what you have done throughout the calendar year.

2. To let your acquaintances (code for all of the people you know and/or work with but don’t like and/or care enough about to make your real friends) know how good you have it: that you purchased a new house or car or dog; that you became the proud new father/mother or grandmother/grandfather of the newest-cutest-funniest-smartest baby ever; that you got that promotion and are now making over 6 figures; that you got that cool new job that allows you to make 6 figures and work from home; that your sex life rocks. [Oh, wait, that last one is not technically allowed into the Christmas letter format.]

3. To brag. Just a little bit. To your real friends. And family. [Screw you and your new job, Cousin Jenny. I just got married!]

4. To let everyone know just where you stand in the social order. Bonus points if you can name drop or use high-end brands like Gucci in your letter.

That being said, people tend to omit things that weren’t so great (like divorce or lay-offs), and accentuate the positives (like engagement or finding that perfect vacation spot). It’s not lying, exactly, or even like writing pure fiction. It’s more like embellishment and a careful selection of details. [Exception to this rule: People writing about their illnesses. You get sympathy points for that.]

The Christmas letter is very American. It paints a rosy picture of the past and shares its unabashed hopes for an equally rosy future. Really, you can’t blame it. Like all things traditional, it’s mired in its own regulations. You can’t really screw with the Christmas letter format, and at some point, you become ensnared in the need to carry on the tradition yourself, like it or not.

I’m not quite there yet, so I can still buck the trend. Just for fun, here’s my own rebellious Christmas letter. Which is, really, me doing my best to channel a great satirist, like Dorothy Parker or Oscar Wilde.

Dear Friends,

This year was a busy one! I’m sorry that I didn’t have the time to write you an individual letter, thus leaving you with this generic letter, but really, we both know that we’re not close enough for me to have spent 10 minutes of busy Christmas-season time searching for the perfect Hallmark card for you. Maybe next year!

Anyway, let me fill you in on 2007. This year, I filed for divorce from my husband. I’m not sure I told you this, but he cheated on me with 18 other women in just under 18 months! Wow, was he busy! Anyway, he’s living in Singapore and is doing well. We remain friends and no hard feelings. The divorce became final in September, on our old anniversary. Isn’t that ironic?!

In the summer, my boyfriend moved out from New York City. We moved in together and have gotten engaged. He’s the best! So handsome! So smart! And great in bed, too! We have sex all the time, and it’s amazing!

Our new apartment is great. We only pay $1500 a month, which is really cheap for the Bay Area, and we have a distant view of the Golden Gate bridge. With me being a graduate student, and him being a writer and a teacher, we won’t be able to afford the 1 million + price tag on most houses here – ever. Oh, well! If I quit my program and got a real job, maybe. But then I wouldn’t have any time for myself or travel or that great sex – so I don’t think so.

Academic life is terrific. All I do all day is drink lattes, read philosophy, theory and current events. I even have time for fiction! Sometimes, I like to mix it up and play video games. Next year, I’m hoping to buy the new PS system, which is still too expensive for me (see the note about my income prospects above). I still manage to go out to bars and karaoke nights, which is fun, and I’ve started to learn how to cook. Most of my friends have screaming babies at home, and can’t even talk on the phone when I call them. I feel really lucky to be childless.

But, we do have two adorable cats. They’re just the most adorable cats you have ever seen. They’re always doing something funny, like tearing up an important document or waking us up at 9:30 to be fed. We can’t even sleep in until 10am anymore! Those crazy cats. But, really, I wouldn’t trade them for the world. They are categorically the best thing that has ever happened to me. I didn’t know how to really love before they came along. My fondest hope is that one of them will give me kittens someday.

I just finished my academic semester, and let me tell you honestly, I kicked ass! I got straight As this semester (as always). Chinese is still my most difficult subject, however. Sadly, I think most of you probably think being in school until you are 35 is a waste of time, but I don’t think so. I’m constantly learning and using my brain and expanding my thoughts. Plus, someday I’ll be a professor and your kids will probably need a recommendation letter from me to get into a good college, so don’t knock it.

Anyway, that’s about all my news. Hoping you are all doing well!

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Cheers,

Theresa