White people hate traffic.
In fact, they hate it so much that they obsess about it. Especially in California, where you must talk about what route you will take to your destination (i.e. Driver: “Let’s take the 405.” Passenger: “That’ll be too crowded, let’s take the 5.” Driver: “Cool.”).
White people pay taxes, at least in part, so that the highways and roads can be “kept up”, or “expanded” in order to “lessen traffic”. New roads, on-ramps, and traffic lights are sometimes constructed or added to ease traffic. Somehow, they never do. Maybe it’s because white people tend to love “cars”, and have approximately one per family member of driving age. My aunt Susan even has a “dog mobile”, or the car she drives the dogs around in because she doesn’t care if it gets hairy seats and slobbery windows.
White people also prepare for traffic. They go to the bathroom before they leave and they don’t drink too much coffee en route, “in case there’s traffic”. They leave early, “in case there’s traffic.”
White people also think of traffic as a competition. They think that if they plan well enough, and because they are smarter than “other” people, they can “beat traffic”. Examples of beating traffic include getting up at 5am to get on the road early, to “beat traffic”. Leaving late, usually after dark (especially when you are at the beach), to “beat the traffic”. Other people who leave during usual, or so-called “rush” hours, are “idiots” or “morons”.
If people are still caught up in traffic, despite adequate preparation and planning, they simply try harder the next time.
And white people always, always, complain when they are in traffic. Sometimes, ranting can be accompanied by hand gestures and frantic waving, or epithets such as “Jesus H. Christ” or “shit”. On rare occasions, when a sense of false confidence in traffic avoidance skills is involved, a sense of panic will descend in traffic because the white person involved fears that they will be late.
Look for entry #2 in a few days for Stuff White People Hate: Being Late.
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